The day my boyfriend thought I was on drugs

I’m weird.  I know this, I embrace it, I encourage it in others.  If tomorrow my back broke and I could no longer CrossFit I would be proud of the fact that I hear several women exclaim “BALLS” when they drop the bar in a workout; that’s a little piece of me that has been instilled in some pretty awesome women.  I don't really know how to not be weird and even if I knew I'm not sure I would try to be normal.  I get really excited over silly things and I jump around and skip and talk really loudly like a 5 year old.  My behavior tends to annoy a lot of people and I'm ok with that.

I have a TON of energy; I love caffeine but I’m pretty good without it, especially when you put me on a schedule.  If I go to bed, workout, and eat at the same time every day, I can kick some serious ass on about 4 hours of sleep each night.  I did just that when I was an analyst in San Diego; I got up every day at 4am, ate breakfast, drove to work, went to the gym, showered, was dressed and ready for work at 6:30am, ate lunch at 11:30am, worked until 5pm, went for a jog, drove home, ate dinner around 7:30pm, stayed up until midnight and was back awake at 4am the next morning.  Seriously, I was a fucking machine.  I didn’t even need an alarm clock.

I didn’t have a boyfriend at this time and all my close friends were in college so I had nobody that was close enough to me to tell me that I had voluntarily put myself on the schedule of a crazy person in need of serious medication.  I had copious amounts of energy and I never drank coffee.  I would drink diet Cokes later in the day to the point where it would make my heart feel like it was about to explode and I would have to leave the office at 5pm to go run and burn off all the extra energy.  I left that job after a year to move to Chicago and go to law school.  I found a roommate who would eventually be my husband who would eventually be my ex-husband.  We moved in together and started dating soon after or the other way around, whatever.  Prior to my moving in, however, he was unaware of my psychotic schedule.  I moved in with him in July 2005 and wasted no time in freaking him out (it’s a part of my charm, or whatever you call it).  It was my first real break from school or a job in 4 years so he would hear me wake up at 5am to go for a 2-3 hour run, come back with more energy than when I left, go walk around town for 4 hours, then I would organize his CDs alphabetically or sort his change or whatever other OCD behavior I could possibly exhibit with my free time, go out drinking with him when he came back from work and then go to bed late with him and then start all over again.  I had no idea but he was totally spooked.  This went on for a few weeks, I believe, until one day I came home from a run and he had this funny look on his face, it was almost guilt but not exactly.  I asked him what was up and he told me the following:

"I have a confession to make, I checked your vitamins for drugs, I tested them and everything."

When I moved from San Diego to Chicago I sold most of my material possessions and consolidated what remained.  A very small part of that consolidation involved my vitamins.  I don’t like to take pills but I’ll take 45 vitamin supplements if I think it will help the cause.  I knew what each individual vitamin looked like so I packed them all into one giant vitamin container to save room on my travels.  My boyfriend, however, saw my crazy ass behavior and went all Columbo on my container of vitamins thinking I was taking speed and who knows what else.  He confessed that he very scientifically tested and examined all the pills in my vitamin container to make sure they weren’t drugs.  Now I don’t know how one determines that a pill isn’t speed but he seemed satisfied with his results that I was in fact NOT on speed.  (If you ever want confirmation that I don’t do drugs, watch an episode of Intervention with me; I have no fucking clue what is going on.) Like most comments that are hurled my way I never know whether to take them as a compliment or an insult but I chose to take it as a a compliment that I have a lot of energy.  I suppose it was that moment that I thought to myself, “I’m going to marry that man!” 

And we all know how that lovely decision turned out.